life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
