I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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