please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Randomize
