If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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