I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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