I cannot find my penis.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
