I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
