I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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