Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
