i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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