whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
