Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
