He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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