I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
