So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
