So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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