i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
