I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
