it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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