You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
