i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
