don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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