I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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