It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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