he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
