I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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