Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
