I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
