I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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