her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
