dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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