Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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