i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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