Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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