no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
