A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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