She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
