I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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