You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
