While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
