LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So much rum. So many feels.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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