Life is so much better after having sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
