I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this will be a night to untag.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
