we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I will pee on everything he values.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
