Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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