Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
