Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
