just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
