ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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