Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
