So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize