Got a toothbrush?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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