I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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