And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
